Single Forever?

Do you remember the first time you fell in love? Of course you do, no one forgets their first. Do you remember what it felt like to think that you could never live without that person? Some of us got lucky and married our first loves, high school sweethearts or person we had our first kiss with. However, most of us had our hearts broken a time or two. It took a lot of us some trial and error before we got it right and some of us (like myself) still haven't got it right.
When I wrote the article called Life After Divorce, I really was happy with myself. I was happy knowing that I could be perfectly content alone and I was very happy knowing that you can move on after anything or anyone. It is empowering to know that you no longer HAVE to be with someone. You know you can make it by yourself so you know you will never settle for less than what you deserve again. Maybe I have taken that a little too far....
I really cannot imagine a person that could make me feel like I could never live without them. That mindset has been destroyed. I have doubts about everyone I get close to. I remember what it felt like to fall in love and never want to be alone again. I remember what it felt like to believe in happily ever after. I remember what it felt like to be able to put all of your trust into one person. I remember what it felt like to be blind and not see any faults or red flags. I will never get that back again. I'm still glad that I know there is life after heartbreak. I'm still glad to know that my kids and I are going to be just fine. Sometimes I wish I was capable of living a fantasy. Sometimes I wish life was like a movie that has a happy ending. Sometimes I wish I could still be naive and think that the fairy tale is possible. Sometimes I'm so angry that the trust and total faith in people has been destroyed. It can't be taken back. Once you have seen what the world is capable of you can never undo it.
What makes it really hard is knowing that my kids deserve more. My kids deserve two parents that love them unconditionally. They deserve to know what a real dad is and not think that every man in his twenties or thirties is dad. Kiana see's her cousins call there own dad and she does not understand that each child is supposed to have a specific dad. She really thinks that it's a title given to anyone in a certain age range. It makes me want to cry just thinking about it. On the other hand I know that I cannot marry the wrong person simply because my kids need a dad. I know LOTS of kids that would be better off with only one of their parents. My kids have so many people that love them so much. They may not have a real father but they are not short on love. I really do believe that one day my kids and I will live the fantasy. We will complete our little family. Until that day I will do the best I can to give them everything they need. I will make sure they know without a doubt that they always have a home full of love to come to. I will make sure I always provide a safe place for them when the world wants to beat them down. I will not be perfect. I will make lots of mistakes but I will do the best I can for them.
One day I may even believe in fairy tales again. One day someone might make me think I could never be alone again. I don't think it will happen anytime soon though. Single and I seem to get along just fine for now.