Joint Custody

The topic today is a little controversial and I'm kinda worried about expressing my opinions on the matter. If you don't agree with me I completely understand and I'm not trying to change your mind. I have no problem just agreeing to disagree. To be honest I'm still not sure how I really feel on the matter.
Divorce can destroy your children and the battles that come after the divorce can be even worse. I think the worst battle that children and the parents have to go through is the custody battle. Every case is different and every case has there own unique set of trials. It's hard enough trying to decide how often each parent gets to see the kids and what's fair for both parents. It's harder trying to decide what's fair to the children. It gets even more complicated when one parent doesn't think the other parent is fit enough to have the kids or when one parent lies about the other parent to make matters more complicated. There are so many different scenarios that complicate coming to a reasonable agreement. I think that often times the parents get so caught up on what they get and what they have to compromise that they forget to think about would be the best thing for the children.
I dated a man with kids. He was currently in custody battles with his ex wife and I got a little taste at how ugly it can be. The kids stayed with there mom until she went to work. She dropped them off with dad in the morning and dad dropped them off at day care a few hours later when he went to work. Mom picked them up from daycare after she got off work. The schedule didn't run like this every day. It varied quite a bit and I never completely got the hang of it. One or two days out of the week the two older kids got to stay the night at dads house. They still had not come to a final agreement and went to mediation several times to try and work things out. She was very determined to make sure he didn't get much time with the kids. She would rather have a babysitter take them than let him take the kids. She would have done just that if the court hadn't told her that he would watch the kids if he was available. Dad made all kinds of accusations against her saying that all she does is watch tv and ignore the kids all day. I got the feeling he wasn't completely innocent either. I think he got home from work and played video games the rest of the night while the kids watched movies. I don't know all the details and I could be wrong. The point is that both parents wanted the kids more than the other one did. After I got more of a feel for them I had to wonder if the motive was money. The more often dad had the kids meant less child support. If mom has them the most than that means she gets more child support. I began to question whether or not they just couldn't get enough of their kids or if they had become too obsessed with the money battles. Of course I never brought up my concerns. If I had questioned his true motive I think it would have been the end of the world and I would get the guilt trip from hell. In the meantime the kids were stuck in the middle and being hauled around like crazy. On the upside these kids will always know that both of their parents want them and love them. Many kids don't get that from one parent let alone two.
Most people believe that every kid should have a father...... but at what cost? When you hear about how hard he's working to have his kids as much as possible you would initially think he's awesome for being a good father. I have to wonder if he's really doing his kids a favor by fighting tooth and nail to have them more than the mother.
I have never had to do custody battles. Chris is way to lazy to embark on something like that. He would have to move to Utah and prove he's fit to be in their lives. It's not going to happen. He values his time way too much. I prefer my situation over many joint custody situations. I don't have to worry about my kids being passed around all the time. I don't have to worry about there well being while I am not with them. They are never disappointed because there father is not living up to certain expectations. They are very happy right now. It might be a different story when they are older and want to know why there dad doesn't seem to care. I think they are better off not having to be in the middle of custody battles.
Sure there are times that I wish I had some more help. It would be nice to take the kids to their father for a weekend and get a break. Every mom wants a break though, whether they are single or happily married. The break would not be worth the drama that would follow. I will not be pushing Chris to be more involved any time soon. I honestly Chris's laziness is doing my kids a big favor right now. Their lives would be much more hectic if he cared more.
When people find out my kids do not have their father in their lives I don't want them to feel bad for them or for me. My kids have more people than they could ever ask for that do care a whole lot and the missing dad is a blessing in disguise.