Life After Divorce

Is there such thing as life after divorce? If you've been divorced than you know exactly what I'm talking about. If you haven't been divorced please try to imagine for a moment how it would be if your spouse told you they wanted a divorce. How would it be to know that you will never wake up next to them again? How would it be to find out that they don't love you or they may have possibly never loved you? What if they wanted to take your kids away from you? What if they wanted to be with someone else? How would it be to realize that all the work you've put into your spouse and your family has been in vain? Would you be able to function after that?
I was never married. I wanted to get married but he didn't want to marry me... thank goodness! I practically lived with my ex during our year in Germany and than I moved to Texas with him for 2 years. After that we had a long distance relationship for 2 years. I never had to deal with all the legalities of a divorce. I don't have to go to court and fight for my kids. He's to lazy to try and take my kids from me. I got lucky as far as that goes. Let me tell you though, breaking things off with him felt like getting a divorce without the paperwork. I gave him everything I had for 5 years. I had 2 kids with him. Well, I can't really say I had 2 kids with him because I did that by myself. He was a good sperm donor though. I left my family and my friends for him. I sacrificed everything for him, and for what? So I could be alone? So I could raise 2 kids by myself? I've dedicated everything to making us work. If there is no more us than what is there?
I recently heard someone say that divorce is the closest thing you can get to hell without actually being in hell. Divorce sucks. There's no nice way to put it. It's hard on you, it's hard on your parents and it's life altering for your kids. How do you recover from something like this? Will you ever be able to love again? Will you ever find someone as good? Did you just leave "the one" and is there anyone else out there that could make you forget all about this hell you're going through? I think the answer to all these questions is yes. It sounds so cliche but I think the only way to bounce back from something like this is to truly be happy with yourself. You have to be content with your life. Stop looking to others to make you happy. Stop waiting for your knight in shining armor before you'll be able to function like a normal person. Look at your life and realize that you are happy just being you. You're happy because God has blessed beyond measure. Look at your kids and see the love in their eyes. Look at your friends and your family and know that someone out there always has it worse and they find a way to be happy. It's way easier said than done. It took me a long time to get to that point. Until you realize that you are just lucky to be you whether you're married or not you will not see that there is life after divorce. No one else will make you happy unless you are able to be happy without them. People fall in love and think that they will never be happy with anyone else. As sweet as this sounds I think it's a load of crap! Thank goodness it is a load of crap because with divorce rates soaring at least 50% of us would never be happy again.
I want to make it very clear that I am not encouraging you to go file for divorce. I feel that divorce is used as a first resort instead of a last resort and that is sad. I think you should exhaust everything you have to stay married. Go to counseling. Start a date night. Read books. Communicate with each other for crying out loud! Do everything you can to keep your promises and vows you made to each other. On the other hand, if you are in danger or your kids are in danger than please run for the hills and never look back. A friend of mine growing up once told me that she didn't want a big wedding because she will probably have to get married 2 or 3 times and she doesn't want to waste all her money on the first one.We were 7 years old when she told me this. What has this world come to when our 7 year old's don't believe in happily ever after anymore.
If divorce is the only option than please know that you will be able to live again. The secret to discovering life after divorce is not in another persons arms. It's not in a bottle of vodka. It's not in the local bar or strip club. You will discover life after divorce when you discover that you're pretty great all by yourself. Love yourself and you will live again. It may take a long time to get there but you will get there.