Why does she stay?

We all know someone or have heard of someone who stays in a relationship that is very toxic and we can't figure out why they do it. Looking at something from the outside gives us an advantage that they don't have. We see things logically and clearly. We are not blinded by love or hope or manipulation. It's so easy for us to judge people when we are not in the middle of the horror. I can only try to explain why I stayed and even that has been very hard for me to understand myself. There are many reasons why people stay so I would love some input from others to see why they think people stay in toxic relationships. So you can try to better understand my conclusion I will give you a quick history lesson on myself. I know you're all excited to hear this. ;)
When I was 12 we moved from Spanish Fork to Mapleton. It wasn't much of a move but it still meant a lot of changes. I was actually excited to go to a new school and meet new people. This was kinda fun for someone with ADD like myself. I was going to be a different person here. Maybe I would start wearing makeup and even shave my legs. I might attempt to get a brush through my dirty hair. In the new school I will be pretty and popular. I wont be just another tom boy who can throw a football better than the boys can. I had lots of friends in Spanish Fork but I was excited about the possibilities in a new school. Springville was not at all what I had expected. The boys didn't notice me. The popular kids didn't give me a second glance. The nerds were to smart for me. I wasn't very pretty and I wasn't even skinny enough. I had no idea how clickish people could be. I didn't fit in anywhere. Jill was the first person to befriend me even though she was smarter than me. She didn't care what kind of clothes I wore or what my GPA was. I still didn't feel like I fit in with her group and I don't think her friends liked me much. To her credit she didn't care what anyone thought of me and to this day she is a loyal friend. She's also my first and one of my few followers on this blog. Unfortunately one friend wasn't enough for me, I wanted lots more. I finally found a group of kids that were nice to me. Many of them were rebels, punks and underpriveledged kids. I didn't care though, they were nice to me. That was hard to find in this school. For the first time in my life I started to open my eyes and see what the world outside of my bubble was like. I realized that not everyone grows up in a religious home with 2 parents that love eachother. Not everyone grows up with loving siblings who are excellent examples. I was making friends with kids who grew up with single parents and broken families. They had parents who were on drugs and drank way to much. Why is it that the kids who have nothing are the kids who treat me the best? They have more reason than anyone to be angry and mean to people but they are the nice ones. One person that stands out is Kevin. He was the funnest person to be around. He was always positive and friendly. I remember a few times where I caught just a little glimpse of what his home life was like and I couldn't understand what he had to be so happy about. Yet he was. Jessica also comes to mind. She had a terrible childhood and still found a way to be better than she was taught. I finally found a group I felt good in. I can't say that I could relate to them but I was going to try. I still needed to fit in with them somehow. I had to start rebelling like they did. I stopped going to my classes. I even tried drinking a few times. I dressed like a little punk who needed attention. I made a lot of mistakes in high school for the sake of having friends. When I turned 16 I realized I wasn't going to graduate at this rate. I wasn't going to make it out of high school without getting pregnant. I needed to make some changes. That's when I decided to move to Gunnison with my sister and her family. I knew I wouldn't change if I kept my same friends so I needed a new start once again. I was able to play sports and I was getting good grades. I made some good friends even though I always felt like an outsider in this little town. Annika was a foriegn exchange student from Germany so we could be outsiders together. She is my one other follower on this blog. My oldest sister Becky was very good to me. Her husband was and is one of the nicest people I know. I was creating a better life for myself but I never forgot about my friends from Springville High. I wish I had kept better contact with them. Especially the ones like Kevin and Jessica. Since than I have always had a soft spot for the underpriveledged kids. I have always rooted for the underdog and had a great deal of respect for the ones who start out with nothing and beat all the odds. This leads me to the reason I was so drawn to someone like Chris. This is why I stayed with someone who was very emotionally and physically abusive. Someone who is manipulative, controling, disloyal and angry. I wanted to save him. I wanted to show him happiness and treat him better than anyone had before. I wanted to show him that not everyone leaves. I was going to make him happy and he was going to love me for it.
Chris has been through more than I would wish on my worst enemy. This made me love him. I wanted to save him from the terrible world he knew. The only way I could do that was to forgive him every time. I made sure I was always waiting for him when he came home at 4 in the morning. Every time he kicked me out over a stupid fight I would come back the next day when he told me to come home. Everytime I had to wear turtlenecks to hide the marks on my neck I accepted his apology. I showed him that no matter what he does I would never leave. I gave him permission to use me. I gave him permission to put his hands on me. I gave him permission to cheat on me. I had to let him do this if I was going to show him that I loved him enough to stay. This is the closest explanation I can think of. It's taken me years to figure out why I stayed and to be honest I still don't have it figured out completely.
I still love the underdog. Now I have way more respect for the people who know how to cope and deal with stress. I love the person who had an abusive alcoholic father and decides he will never hit his own kids. I love people who have been with cheaters and decide they will never cheat on their significant other. I love the ones who beat all the odds. My biological grandpa comes from a very long line of abusive parents. I call him my biological grandpa because he was not the grandpa I knew, we simply share blood. However, he decided to stop the cycle and never lay a hand on my father. As a result my father will never lay a hand on me and I will never lay a hand on my kids. I don't know him but I love him for stopping the cycle. My brother in law Larry decided to stop the cycle. He treats his kids wonerfully and now they know how to treat their future kids. I want to thank everyone out there who decides to stop the cycle. I want to thank everyone I mentioned because you had a greater impact on my life than you realize. I am very blessed because of the people in my life and I appreciate the people you are and the people you strive to be.
Once again I would like some input so we can all try to understand eachother better. Let us know why you think people stay. Lets do our best not to judge and try to understand one another.
Thanks for reading and I hope you didn't find it to boring.